Wednesday, March 25

I Have Too Much Mayonnaise

So.

I have too much mayonnaise in my fridge.

It's shocking, but it's true. There's four pounds of mayonnaise sitting in the door of my fridge, right next to the ginger ale.

What does four pounds of mayonnaise look like? I'm glad you asked.


Hmm. It's not really that impressive sitting on the counter by itself. We'll need some reference photos.


Here is four pounds of mayonnaise next to a bottle of Tabasco brand hot sauce.


This is four pounds of mayonnaise wearing one of my hats, to keep the kitchen lights out of its... uh, label.


This is four pounds of mayonnaise chilling out and playing Rock Band with the hamster.

"Okay," you may say. "Raoul, I'll grant that that's a fair amount of mayonnaise. I'll even say that it's a lot of mayonnaise. But can you really say that you have too much mayonnaise?"

Yes. I certainly can. And I'll tell you why. It's a little thing I call the Mailbox Test. If I have a condiment, and I can fit it in my mailbox, then I do not have too much of it. For example:


I do not have too much sweet relish.


I do not have too much teriyaki sauce.


I have too much mayonnaise.

There you have it, folks. Until next time.

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